009 – The Challenge of Giving Quality Support

Typical, mainstream approaches to being supportive don’t work, and are often counterproductive. So what can you do?

In this podcast I talk about what is mistakenly identified as being supportive, why it’s not so, what are the principles behind proper support, and what are some practical approaches one can take.

Principles discussed:

  • Should be reciprocal – adult relationships are trade-based.
  • Should be given and asked for only in close relationship.
  • Valid support and advice can only be given with a strong understanding of the other person’s aims and history.
  • One can only offer advice on things that they’ve already achieved, or at least seriously worked towards.
  • Unsolicited advice is to be avoided at all cost.
  • The ultimate choice is theirs – you shouldn’t be on a quest to change or save someone.

Practical tips:

  • Choose very carefully whom to support.
  • Be curious. “Tell me more!” is often the best default position.
  • Respect boundaries.
  • Consciously aim to have empathy – it is only semi-automatic.
  • Ask advice only if solicited
  • Help self-leadership by not giving answers, but by asking questions – non-leading questions.
  • Be honest of your level of understanding – reflect your authority accurately.

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008 – I Should Know This Already! Dealing with the Shame of Learning

Do you ever tell yourself: “I should already know this!”, or “How can I be so stupid?”, or “What is wrong with me?” ?

In this podcast I talk about understanding and respecting the feeling of shame that learning can trigger, without becoming overwhelmed by it.

Ideas discussed in this episode:

  • The concept of healthy shame
  • Can you be vulnerable around your social circle?
  • Everything is a skill
  • “Therapy magic” – The incredible power of self-acceptance
  • Is it grandiosity to think that we should know “basic” things?

 

Steven Franssen’s YouTube Channel

Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw

The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

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007 – Choosing the Right Job: Principles and a Framework

There are many situations when you have to decide between competing occupations or sources of income. If you find yourself being lured to many different ways of getting an income, if you are thinking of a career switch, or looking into becoming an entrepreneur and are not sure about your decision, or if you find that your decision has little staying power, this podcast if for you!

Ideas discussed in this episode:

  • The role of parents, peer and society in misleading us when making career choices
  • The need for courage and self-knowledge in finding the right path
  • A (mathematical) framework for evaluating different jobs/income sources

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006 – Developing Purpose and Goals

What is your purpose? What is your vision for yourself? What goals have you set for yourself? Why these goals and not others?

In this podcast I discuss about why purpose is important and how it affects procrastination, present a step-by-step approach to developing it (while encouraging you to craft your own approach) and provide resources for further exploration.

The steps:

  1. Prepare your mind with stimulating questions
  2. Find and define your core needs
  3. Set up scales for assessing to what extent you’ve met your core needs
  4. Assess your present position
  5. Establish the big picture: the next levels of fulfillment.
  6. Brainstorm 30 ideas for each big picture goal
  7. Narrow the list down. Look for solutions that repeat.
  8. Choose 3-5 goals. Smartify them.
  9. (optional) Analyze impact on core needs to gain further clarity
  10. Create a period purpose summary
  11. Create plans and milestones
  12. Create supporting rules and habits
  13. Review and repeat periodically

Recommended book: Goals! by Brian Tracy

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005 – Book Review: The Way to Willpower

It’s not often that you find quality resources for free! In this podcast I review and present key ideas from The Way to Will Power by Henry Hazlitt, a free book from 1922 on productivity. I talk about: carefulness in picking goals, shallow goals, how to resist breaking resolutions, avoiding temptation, the value of habits, how to build habits, and why to plan.

The Way to Will Power by Henry Hazlitt

Also check out:

Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt (free PDF)

Economics in One Lesson by Henry Hazlitt (Amazon)

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