Typical, mainstream approaches to being supportive don’t work, and are often counterproductive. So what can you do?
In this podcast I talk about what is mistakenly identified as being supportive, why it’s not so, what are the principles behind proper support, and what are some practical approaches one can take.
- Should be reciprocal – adult relationships are trade-based.
- Should be given and asked for only in close relationship.
- Valid support and advice can only be given with a strong understanding of the other person’s aims and history.
- One can only offer advice on things that they’ve already achieved, or at least seriously worked towards.
- Unsolicited advice is to be avoided at all cost.
- The ultimate choice is theirs – you shouldn’t be on a quest to change or save someone.
- Choose very carefully whom to support.
- Be curious. “Tell me more!” is often the best default position.
- Respect boundaries.
- Consciously aim to have empathy – it is only semi-automatic.
- Ask advice only if solicited
- Help self-leadership by not giving answers, but by asking questions – non-leading questions.
- Be honest of your level of understanding – reflect your authority accurately.