009 – The Challenge of Giving Quality Support

The Challenge of Giving Quality Support

Typical, mainstream approaches to being supportive don’t work, and are often counterproductive. So what can you do?

In this podcast I talk about what is mistakenly identified as being supportive, why it’s not so, what are the principles behind proper support, and what are some practical approaches one can take.

Principles discussed:

  • Should be reciprocal – adult relationships are trade-based.
  • Should be given and asked for only in close relationship.
  • Valid support and advice can only be given with a strong understanding of the other person’s aims and history.
  • One can only offer advice on things that they’ve already achieved, or at least seriously worked towards.
  • Unsolicited advice is to be avoided at all cost.
  • The ultimate choice is theirs – you shouldn’t be on a quest to change or save someone.

Practical tips:

  • Choose very carefully whom to support.
  • Be curious. “Tell me more!” is often the best default position.
  • Respect boundaries.
  • Consciously aim to have empathy – it is only semi-automatic.
  • Ask advice only if solicited
  • Help self-leadership by not giving answers, but by asking questions – non-leading questions.
  • Be honest of your level of understanding – reflect your authority accurately.

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